We are just so horrible sometimes. We treat new people who misunderstand the community like shit. On the one hand we're told that we're on the internet, after all: this isn't a club for friends- it's a public board. On the other we expect people who've just arrived to grasp some kind of unspoken truth about it. We snipe and we stir and we drive out anyone we don't like, whether they are offensive or not. We are not as nice and cuddly as we think we are.
Some of the answers in the FAQ are just plain passive-aggressive and rude. Some behaviour's unacceptable, obviously, but sometimes we treat anything that just doesn't fit in as if it is. This even happens with long-term members. Look at the 'What is a Flame?' thread. The answer seems to be 'whatever is judged to be a flame' (which is fair enough) but no one says that, instead they fall back on definitions which don't mean anything in the real world, then consider the question answered.
And a lot of the time, despite what everyone says, the standard of debate doesn't seem very far above the rest of the internet, especially when you look in the actual Gaiman discussions (which I rarely do because it's a bit like reading YouTube comments). We're not smarter than than the others, it's just pleasing to think we are. We're not more grown up or sensible. We're just some people on the internet. I just... I fucking hate it sometimes. I have thought so many times about leaving, and sometimes I think the main reason I wouldn't is just habit and guilt.
And the reason I am saying this here rather than there is that I have a masters degree, but still no idea whether this would be a flame or not.
Is this a stage everyone goes through? Maybe it doesn't help that since November the board has been quieter than I've ever seen it. Also, that eveyone calls Gaiman by his first name, whether or not they've been introduced.
And here's a fucking kitten to cheer you up.
Comments (9)
Uh oh, what did I miss?
I've been so crazy busy that I've not taken the time to get to know any new people. I check the board for posts from people I know, then run off. I am a baaaaad boardie.
Dang, I had a nice long comment typed out then my computer flipped out and I had to reboot.
a) Is this about Miss Moosa? I've got a whole long rant on that if you're inclined.
b) It's true that I was a lot more passive-aggressive with some responses in any area of the forum before I stepped down as moderator and switch to Technical Services and started ignoring people. As a mod, you have to read everything and answer everyone. And sometimes I really, really hated that. I like to think I've been a lot happier since and that it shows in responses/interactions with others. And if this wasn't about me at all, well, I'm an only child. The world revolves around me. (Occasionally Joccy.)
c) Yes, SO MANY TIMES that I've gone to bed swearing that I'm going to break up with the Board for GOOD this time and never ever come back and FUCK THEM ALL. But then I go back.
d) Yes, folks can be horrible to undeserving newbies, and I hate that. Like that one from a few weeks ago with the person asking something about the river of blood in Baghdad or wherever, and nearly a page before someone acknowledged her and everything else was just "whee! We're hijacking this thread because that's what we always do!" That's not welcoming. That's rude.
e) As far as flame wars, the answer doesn't change much. Our definition isn't different from anyone else's definition. It's the knock-down drag-out fights and the not-safe-for-work stuff. This recent appropriation (past 2 years, I guess?) of the forum for the whiny-"my life sucks" and the "write softcore porn to turn on internet strangers" is both creepy, and not the original intent of the thread.
f) My email's always open if you ever want to chat about stuff.
It's not a phase, and it does happen to everyone eventually. It's why a lot of people only post intermittently (ie, me), and why some old-timers just stop posting. I think the things that annoy each of us differ, and if the disgusted "I'm just going to stop posting here" actually sticks or not differs, but the "dear god, we're deluding ourselves about being decent people and being a welcoming place" feeling happens to everyone, and I don't think it ever entirely goes away. At least, it didn't for me. I cope by having a giant ignore list, and not commenting socially very often, and I've given up on actually trying to fix it (unless someone I actually respect is being a douche, in which case I'll call them on it on the board of offline, depending on which I think they'd prefer).
But, you know, I'm pretty comfortable with the fact that my friends are dumbasses sometimes, and only occationally does it make me lose it. In person, you can't avoid letting that out sometimes. Online, I can hide it in your comments section (that reads wrong - I don't think you're being a dumbass, I think you're right - I mean "you" generally).
Also, it's all about me.
I think this is the reason I don't really go to the board anymore, the vibe that I liked so much seems to have either altered, or maybe the rose-coloured glasses have just disappeared. I did meet a lot of cool people there (you for instance), and I'll always like going to the meets and things...but socially I just don't find much there that interests me anymore. Unlike in the past, I didn't say I was leaving, I just...drifted away and never really came back. So did some of the other people I know who are now on the MIA list. In a way what makes me sad is that no one really notices these regulars leaving, but then again it all comes back to it just being another place on the internet.
But I'm curious to know what exactly it is this time? Like I said, I've not been keeping track.
First of all, have some *hugs*. You sound like you need them.
Secondly, I agree with Lady J. I haven't been active on the Board for about a month now, so I don't know what's been happening either. I do get my daily email digest, and I'll occasionally read a new thread if the headline sounds interesting, but I'm in a bit of a posting slump right now. And I don't know why. I'm just not that interested at the moment, except for a few people who are special to me.
I hardly ever leave The World's End and completely ignore Flame Wars, which might explain why I'm not as frustrated with the Board as some. Has it really gotten that bad?
I'm with Lady J. Things kind of changed in the past year or so for me and it's not the same place anymore. I decided that other things needed my attention more (online and off) and I kind of drifted away. I still communicate with the people I met there (blogs, IM, etc,) but I have no real desire to go back and check on it.
I don't miss it as much as I thought I would.
I think the heyday has just passed for a lot of us "regulars" it's a different crowd there now, I hardly know anyone!
I really felt it when all the clubs got deleted too, sort of axed my last real reason to go back..
The board is definitely quieter than I've seen it in years (I first signed on in August 2001, to give a little context). For what it's worth, I go through the same range of emotions with the board that everyone else here has posted -- hence I'll show up for a week and disappear for a month or two (or more). I get there and the place that used to feel like my online home just doesn't feel that way any longer. New people come and go, and while there's a more or less stable core, that core seems to be less and less active.
I don't want to paint a rosy picture of what the board was like in its early days, though I do feel as though it goes through phases where there IS a higher level of debate than elsewhere (both in depth and in civility). I feel like they don't last as long or come as frequently as they used to, but that might be a function of the fact that the board has grown so much over the last eight years in terms of membership. In the old days, it was maybe a hundred people, a fraction of whom were active; now I feel like there are far more active members.
And that said, in the very beginning, when it was just GMZoe modding, and especially before that, there were a lot of personal attacks in threads. So there was debate, but some of it was so heated that I rarely got involved.
In a lot of ways it's really not a nice place. There's a tacit (and maybe even unconscious) expectation that people will lurk for weeks or months and absorb all the board norms before posting, and that's unrealistic. In other respects it can be a welcoming place -- but you have to be lucky enough to have lurked before posting or to just sort of fit in. That's not easy for many of us.
I've long believed that there are in-groups and out-groups on the board (Amy and I have debated this on and off throughout the years), and it feels awful to either feel like you're constantly at the edge or to feel like you've gone from being a core/in-group member to being an out-group member or -- even worse in some ways -- an old-timer whose time has passed. It's really disheartening sometimes.
Anyway I didn't mean for this to turn into a long rambling rant about the board. Just wanted to say you're not alone in feeling like this. I've left so many times only to come back because there's still part of it that feels like home (or feels like it SHOULD feel like home), and it's fine for a week and then I remember I don't belong there anymore. So yeah. Other people feel this way too.
i missed something...